Friday, August 11, 2006

When the beast roams free

I hate being mean, but sometimes to protect your own dignity you just gotta be.

The thing that hurts the most at such times is the fact that your meaningless meanness turns out ruder that you expected and totally pulverizes relationships with people you care about the most.

I’ve been super mean these past two days. I’ve hurt a wonderful girl, poured generous amounts of lavacious wrath on my dad and mom, enjoyed the sadistic pleasure of hurting people who care…but hey that’s just me. Oh, and for the record, it’s like a cocaine trip, once the high starts dipping depression sets in. I really don’t wanna ramble any further. I just wanna post an old poem of mine here that, I feel, explains my being to the hilt. By the way it’s a dedication and the person whom it’s dedicated to knows very well it’s for her. Consider it my apology, even though it’s a bad one.

The Beast Within Me

I make you laugh, I make u cry
but that is not all there is to me
I can make you scream
and run for your life
so be careful and while you still can, flee

I am the agony man, the revengeful soul
who knows not what is to love
for love had deserted me
while I still was a child
and from thence hate has been my teach

yes I do laugh and I do cry
but not for reasons you might presume
I laugh at your pain
and cry when you're glad
this is me, what I've been made to be

I am not this way by mine own choice
it's what you've lead me to be
you've given me so much
of what I assume is love
that even a drop less is harsh to me

I don't really want to hurt you
with words or by act
but I am helpless against it you see
for the beast that you fed with tenderness and love
is now fully grown within me

its jealousy exceeds my will and power
so I cant control it, it's free
it takes the steering wheel
when my dial hits green
and drives my being to be mean

please don't read this and pity my state
for that is not what I expect from thee
all I want you to do
is to stay away from me
so I can be sure you're safe when the beast roams free

Afterword: I do not take responsibility for the beast.


Anonymous said...

Hey, I am touched :)

Shadow in the Moonlight said...

Nice stuff you got here... the poem obviously worked;-)
Anyway, I liked the faith stuff you posted earlier... makes sense. And I saw your blog address on Candice's page in orkut. I am her cousin.
Well, keep blogging... you write well. India Search